BIRDFAIR 2010 - Rutland Water

Despite being warned by a handful of anonymous, cowardly birdboredom.net boot-lickers to keep well away this year, I decided to attend this year's BBWF anyway. I've taken a fair few beatings over the years for my cheek and it would have been a welcome 'brawl tick' to have gone a few rounds in the corner of a marquee whilst a crowd of khaki clad pensioners looked on. Needless to say I survived the whole day completely unscathed.

There never seems to be any inbetweeny kind of weather at Birdfair, it's either drier than a Courser's foot or it's wetter than the under-belly of a Sandgrouse with thirsty chicks to quench. This year it was mainly soaking, so much so in fact that I completely ruined a gorgeous pair of gleaming white, limited edition, Adidas shell-toe trainers whilst strutting around in mud, the quality of which would have made a Dowitcher grin. Never again will I put vanity above practicality.

So why do I put myself through this every year? Well the main reason is to pick up a few bargains whilst contributing to one of the most worthwhile wildlife charities there is. This year I snaffled up a couple of books out of the thousands on offer. The first was Bird Migration by Ian Newton, a book to savour during those long, dark November evenings. The second was the superb Tales of a Tabloid Twitcher (a review to follow) by Stuart Winter. Another good reason to attend is to catch up with a few pals who you haven't seen in a while and to take part in a spot of 'folking'. This hobby is like 'birding' but instead, the aviforms are replaced with interesting homosapiens. There is no place like it for an afternoon of people watching.

POW! The REAL Batman graces Birdfair!

Photo by Ms Nadia Shaikh

Whilst enjoying Birdfair forget the dozens of bird tour companies who will be happy to take thousands of 'queens heads' from you for them guiding you to a hard to find endemic in some war torn Country. Cast aside those firms that try and flog you overpriced, yet poorly designed outdoor clothing. Shun those greedy optical companies who still fail to realise that the Worldwide economy is still very much f*cked up and that most hard-working birders are totally skint. The real stars of Birdfair are the numerous charities that fight hard for your money and their heroic volunteers that turn up every year to spread the word about their precious organisations. Take the fellow in the photo above. This particular wildlife soldier spent three days soaked to the skin whilst dressed up as a giant Chiroptera, all to help further the cause of the Bat Conservation Trust.

So after a thorough hobble around the various giant tents and a quick nap in the car it was time to catch up on a bit of 'hot feather action'. A quick drive down to Manton bridge immediately produced a new year tick in the form of a pair of Osprey (260). From this excellent viewpoint we also spied a couple of Common Shelduck, 12 Black-tailed Godwits, 2 Common Greenshank, 7 Ruff, 2 Green Sandpiper and 4 Common Snipe.

A magnificent Osprey taking part in a spot of fish watching at Manton Bridge, Rutland Water.

Birdfair 2010 .... Robbing the rich to give to the poor... birds!

So it's that time once more, "Glastonbury for birders!" as some joker once exclaimed. If you're heading to Rutland Water in a few weeks though, don't expect to see Lady Gaga strutting her stuff or the Kings of Leon strumming away. The best you're going to get is some random collection of Africans playing a bit of World Music or the odd South American blowing away at his pan-pipe. The only similarity with the aforementioned Somerset music festival really is the plethora of over privileged, middle-class halfwits milling around the place. This time though the jester hats are replaced with Tilley Hats and 'class A drug cocktails' are substituted with blood pressure tablets and Viagra. It is a fact that more cash is extracted from the silver-haired brigade at this event than Saga Car Insurance and Stannah Stair Lifts combined.

On a more serious note, if you can stomach Penelope from Windsor faffing around, blocking up the aisles with her Scopac or Henry from Thornham waffling on about seeing Shoebills during his last trip to Uganda, then there is some pretty good stuff to enjoy. Some of the lectures are particularly smart. My tip would be to work out exactly which ones you fancied beforehand and stick to the plan. Also make sure you arrive early enough as some of the popular ones get pretty full. One thing you must avoid however is 'Just A Linnet' in the main events marque. Back in the day when 'Odd Billie' hosted the show it was very funny indeed, he really didn't care who he offended along the way with his aviform related sarcasm. He will always be a comedy hero of mine. These days however it's a different story. Instead you will have to put up with the arrogance of former Kajagoogoo front man Chris Pacman and that other TV show presenting, simpleton Mike Bilger for sixty minutes of blatant showing off. Head to the beer tent instead and knock back a few pints of real ale.

Lee GR Evans gets quizzed by a journalist from the I

rish Times r

egarding his peculiar theory that the free states in the south of Eire are part of the United Kingdom. Notice how our dear LGRE is still wearing his deep-vein thrombosis tights after his extensive whistle-stop flying tour of prime Western Palearctic birding sites.

Another reason to head to Birdfair is that you can save a small fortune on birding literature. I tend to make a list of stuff I wanted to buy over the course of the year and use an American Express freshly pick-pocketed from one of the affluent punters milling around the Swarovski stand to pay for the lot. I've also found that the best savings to be had are at the Wildsounds stall but be prepared to shop around for that ultimate bargain. If you grow tired (and envious) of all those making enquires about over-priced foreign birding tours then why not head over to the Art Marquee and immerse yourself in a spot of .... well art.... canvas under canvas style. Please note that it's customary whilst negotiating this particular marquee to stroll around extremely slowly and silently with your hands behind your back. Every now and then pause for a while and nod appreciatively at the artist/photographer/sculptor. If you wear glasses why not add to the effect by lifting your spectacles and squinting at your favourite pieces. If you sport a beard then feel free to rub away at it as though you're pondering an imaginary puzzle.

If you're heading over folks then enjoy yourselves, spend loads of cash and join as many wildlife based charities as you can if you're not members already. No birder should be allowed to embark on a six week tour of the Antarctic unless they are paid up members of the RSPB, BTO, WWT, Birdlife International and their local Wildlife Trust at the very least.

These statistics speak for themselves! See how much the organisers have managed to extract from us over the years.... Tim Appleton (LRWT) and Martin Davies (RSPB) are just like a modern day Robin Hood and Maid Marion! Keep up the great work fellas.